The Voice Inside My Head
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Itachi loves Sasuke. Never like that, not before Sasuke turned to him for his late father's abuse, but he loved him. He didn't want to hurt him... but at the same time, Sasuke didn't give him a choice. Dark, but with a happy ending!


**Free fic trivia question of the day (you know, get it right and you get a free fic): What song is about—among other things—love, murder, necrophilia, and zombies? And Taylor? Don't. You already know; you're the one that showed me the song. Loooooser.**

Itachi groaned at the feeling of the pale teen's mouth around his cock, his hands clutching tightly at the counter until the already ivory knuckles turned white. His body was arched backward, but he couldn't bare to push the boy away. He tried to look away, to not think of it, but it didn't work and through his arousal, he _had _to see, he had to know exactly what was going on.

His hair cascaded around his face in a silky wave as he looked down. At first, all he could see was a mop of spiky black hair, but then other details kicked in, like the angular nose and the swollen, pale pink lips pressed tightly around his erection. For a moment, he caught glimpse of something shining like a diamond on the teen's cheek, then looked away uncomfortably at the same time he had to stifle a moan as his little brother took a particularly hard suck.

Itachi couldn't help it; his hips jerked forward, practically gagging the younger raven on cock, letting out a mangled cry as he came, hard, into Sasuke's mouth.

Swallowing, Sasuke pulled away, running one of his slender hands across his mouth.

Wiping away the last of his brother's cum.

With a pointed look with those bloodshot obsidian eyes, he licked the remaining cum off his fingers, the pale tongue darting out and back in as if it had never happened at all.

"Itachi," he said in a low voice, the emotional pain making his come-hither attempt lose effect. "Aniki, fuck me." Itachi looked away uncomfortably again. Why did Sasuke do that? Why did he call him aniki like that, then ask such a horrible thing of him?

There was silence before Sasuke, frustrated and slightly delirious, pulled on Itachi's already hardening cock. "Itachi, fuck me," he demanded again, his eyes darkening. Itachi winced, before reaching down and pulling his brother up.

"Get off your knees," he muttered guiltily when Sasuke refused to budge. "Please." Normally, before all of this started, he would have said 'otouto'. He _couldn't _let Sasuke do this.

Determined, Sasuke reached up, caressing his brother's face lightly. Giving time for Itachi to fight, knowing that with his brother's sanity on the line he wouldn't, he pressed his lips to that of the twenty-four year old's. Because he knew Uchiha Itachi wouldn't resist.

Itachi loved Sasuke—never like this, not before their father's death, but he loved Sasuke with a passion that unhinged his soul. That had to be the case, because if he didn't, he wouldn't be willing to do this to the one person he swore to protect with his life.

Oh, the little shit was just _so _fucked up that now the their father was dead and his abusive ways were gone for good he looked to Itachi for the feeling of being violated. Because the little shit _wanted _to be empty, and he couldn't be empty unless he was doing something so damn dirty it made him cry with shame.

And the sad part was that with Itachi, he _liked _it. Some part of him—a rather large part—still told him that he was going to hell for this, most likely, but behind it all, behind the emotional anguish, he enjoyed being with Itachi like this, like a lover, because now that all of this had gone down, he didn't really want it to stop. He didn't know whether he could live if it did. He knew every inch of Itachi's body better than his own and loved every immaculate lily white part of it.

Itachi knew all of it and without another choice that wouldn't rip Sasuke to shreds, he gave in, opening his mouth for Sasuke's tongue that probed deeper into his brother's mouth with the insistency of the Uchiha family. His little brother's arms locked behind his neck, forcing him to bend his neck and kiss him deeper. He didn't need to add force, because Sasuke was being forceful enough for the both of them.

"Don't be such a… prude, aniki," he whispered against Itachi's lips. There it was again, 'aniki', and Itachi cursed the heavens that his darling otouto could still call him that, after everything he had done to him.

Sasuke knew exactly what Itachi's problem was, knew that he wasn't just 'being a prude'. He just didn't care. His perverse need for love pushed aside everything else.

"Sasuke, don't do this," he whispered back, knowing that tonight, his brother wanted to have sex again. They'd done it a total of twice, and both times Itachi had been half asleep, not completely aware of who exactly he was fucking. When he really woke up, though, he nearly killed himself the first time. It had been Sasuke's screaming, the tears, that made him drop the razor the first time.

He smiled wryly. "It's funny. I can remember saying that to Father, too. Am I abusing _you_, aniki?" Itachi started at that.

"No!" he said, terrified at the thought of blaming their situation on his brother, and even more horrified that he had gotten so desperate that he had to resort to reminding Itachi of what had happened with the older Uchiha.

Father had never penetrated Sasuke, not down there, not with his cock, anyway. Itachi knew, however, that had he not died when he did in that fire at a smaller branch of the Uchiha Corps, he would have. Sasuke had gotten dangerously close to it that night, before the old man had gotten called in on account of an "emergency".

"Then fuck me, aniki. Please." A sentence that should have never been said, not by him.

And Itachi groaned, complying, sliding to the ground while Sasuke slapped a bottle of lube into his hand with a satisfied smile, undoing his studded belt and letting his jeans fall to his knees. He had of course, gone commando for the occasion, and Itachi couldn't deny that Sasuke was unbearably good looking. He was already shirtless; Itachi could see everything.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" he asked the younger bitterly, knowing the answer.

Sasuke planted a kiss at the hollow point between his jaw and his ear. "No. Not if you want me sane." With translated into 'hell no with cherries on top' in the Sasuke handbook.

Itachi's arms wound around his brother, hugging him tight enough to crack a rib before letting go, letting four lube-coated fingers slip into his ass.

"How much do you need?"

Sasuke shifted against the fingers at his entrance. "Very little," he said quietly. "Please, aniki, just hurry." At this point, Itachi was very nearly gone, the familiar term not fazing him. He just slid a finger inside, massaging his brother's walls kindly at the same time Sasuke pushed down, not being gentle at all. Sasuke was not the gentle sort, so Itachi decided to fight back, jamming two more fingers in. With an ache of genuine pain, he realized at once that Sasuke was adjusting expertly.

He was used to this, no thanks to their father.

Wanting, needing, to get this over with, Itachi jammed the last finger in.

"Four, Itachi?" Sasuke breathed, a shuddering mess leaning on Itachi.

"I'm big," he said shortly, but Sasuke already knew that. Of course he knew that; he'd screwed Itachi before.

He looked down and regretted doing so. Sasuke's erection was leaking, hard as rock, trembling as his body rippled with pleasure and self-loathing and need. He had such a beautiful, pale body Itachi almost wanted this himself.

"Itachi, I'm ready. Just… do it already."

"Are you sure?" Stalling. Desperately stalling.

Sasuke gave him a look of purest loathing, knowing what he was trying to do, and without another word, pushed his ass down on the head of Itachi's erection. Caught in the sudden onslaught of pleasure, Itachi's head fell back and he moaned, low and deep. Sasuke found he loved the sound and kissed his brother, receiving Itachi's hungry tongue in return.

"My beautiful baritone," he cooed breathlessly, lifting up and slamming back down again. Itachi barely heard him. He was so lost his hips were ferociously coming up to meet Sasuke's. Sasuke felt Itachi's loss of control instantly and took advantage of the situation at once. "Fuck me!" he cried, begging. "Please!"

Without another thought, Itachi complied, pushing Sasuke onto his back and rammed his cock in, making Sasuke cry out sharply.

His arms locked behind Itachi's neck again and bucked up to meet Itachi's next thrust. Itachi's hand found Sasuke's pulsing erection, and started jerking him off in time with his thrusts. Itachi moaned again, then, tightening his grip on his brother, they both came. Itachi panted hard over his exhausted, satisfied brother, too tired to roll off him right away.

"Thank you," Sasuke whispered to his mortified older brother, kissing him on his frozen lips. Itachi pulled away. Had it been anyone else, Itachi would have laughed that he was so pleased with such a short event. But it _wasn't _anyone else. This was his brother.

"Get dressed," he told the younger pitifully, and Sasuke's smile dropped. Sasuke didn't move. "Uchiha Sasuke, get dressed."

"Itachi," he whispered, his eyebrows furrowed together. "Itachi-nii, don't—"

"Get dressed, Sasuke!"

The younger's eyes cooled, his expression unreadable.

"Of course, nii-san. I'm sorry."

He felt guilty for treating his younger brother like this, but of course it couldn't be helped. He loved Sasuke too much to do this to him.

The morning was a quiet affair. Sasuke didn't talk much; instead, he looked out the window and frowned at the sunrise. His hair was a mess, his dark eyes hollow from the bags under them. He hadn't slept, obviously. He had his arms crossed on the table and from where Itachi was sitting he could barely see the bandages covering his younger brother's wrists. He was tidy, at least, in a pair if faded blue jeans and a long sleeve black shirt. Itachi poured himself a glass of coffee, the guilt eating at him. He set the glass down, pulled out the chair next to Sasuke, and sat down.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "For the way I spoke to you yesterday. I was unnecessarily harsh." Sasuke's eyes met his, but they were unreadable.

"Am I supposed to apologize now?" he asked bitterly. "Apologize for taking advantage of my sweet, kind older brother? Because I'm not going to. I don't feel I did anything…" He didn't know how to finish. He knew what he did was wrong, but it _wasn't _to him.

"No, Sasuke," Itachi murmured softly. "I don't expect you to apologize now. I never do."

Sasuke's eyes flashed, and suddenly he felt guilty, too. It was true he never blamed Sasuke. Itachi was remarkably selfless when it came to his beloved brother.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I was being selfish." Itachi looked up at him with a sad smile.

"I guess we're both too fucked up for our own good," he announced somberly. Sasuke pulled himself closer to Itachi and pulled him in for a hug. When he pulled away, he placed a chaste kiss on his brother's lips.

"Let's go out," he said out of nowhere. "Let's just go, go have fun. Get our minds off of how unhealthily fucked up we are." His eyes gleamed and Itachi smiled at this attempt.

"Sure, otouto," he agreed, taking his brother's pale, thin hand. Sasuke squeezed it, giving Itachi a brilliant smile, then dashed off to get his jacket. Itachi was glad he'd already gotten dressed instead of moping about; he didn't want to delay Sasuke his fun more than he had to. He pulled his shoes on and threw a jacket on, taking Sasuke's hand again as he met Itachi at the front door.

"Fun," the younger Uchiha emphasized. "Fun." Itachi nodded.

"Yes, Sasuke, it's a concept I relatively understand. You don't have to repeat it." The younger shrugged.

"Just making sure, workaholic." Itachi rolled his eyes.

It wasn't exactly _cold _out, per se, but the Uchihas had always been sensitive to climate. Both preferred cold weather over hot weather, but it wasn't like they _enjoyed _either. It was chilly, and they'd opted for jackets.

"So where are we going?" Itachi asked when they reached the black Aston Martin in the driveway.

"Lets go out to the lake," he suggested somewhat enthusiastically. "Watch the fish swim, like we used to as kids."

"The lake, huh?" he mused. "I haven't been out there in—"

"—years," Sasuke finished for him with a grin. "I wonder if our secret spot is still in order." His brother laughed with recognition.

"Wow," he chuckled. "I cannot believe you remember that." Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes were light.

"I could never forget," he swore intensely.

_I'm not scared of dying _

_I just don't want to_

_If I stopped lying _

_I would just disappoint you_

Sasuke heard Itachi's soft sigh as he followed his younger brother's lead, climbing into the car.

"I love you, aniki," he said suddenly, startling Itachi. He gave Sasuke a once-over and smiled tenderly.

"As I love you… my hard-headed otouto," he replied and Sasuke flashed him a grateful smile. Unable to help himself, he took the hand laying on the armrest. Itachi hesitated but squeezed the slender hand holding his.

"Don't fight me, not anymore. Please. We're both going to hell at this point. We might as well enjoy it." He sighed again, releasing Sasuke's hand.

"Why can't we have a nice conversation without this coming up?" he demanded, his red-tinged eyes piercing his brother's. He looked down ashamed.

"We have to talk about it, aniki," he whispered and he heard Itachi groan in frustration. The lake wasn't that far away; They'd be there in a couple minutes and he wanted to get him talking before then. "We have to."

"You sound like a petulant child, Sasuke!" he snapped, but his voice wasn't angry… it was agonized.

"Aniki, this is important! We need to talk about it!"

"What do you want to talk about?" he ground out. Sasuke took that as a 'please continue'.

"Aniki, you know I love you," he began and Itachi's hands tightened on the steering wheel. "I love you more than me. And yes, I'm really jacked up, but I love fucking you, too. You're not just my brother anymore Itachi. You're who I want. Maybe at first I had other motives… other masochistic motives, but I _love you_. I'll do anything for you except pretend I don't love you the way I do. And I know you want me, too. Why can't you accept that maybe we're not meant to be typical brothers?"

_"Because _you're my brother!" he exclaimed at last, the car swerving slightly.

"So?" Sasuke choked out as they jerked into the lake parking lot. Itachi jumped out of the car and Sasuke did the same, slamming the door and running after his brother. His eyebrows furrowed together in pain and frustration.

_"Aniki, I love you_!"

Itachi whirled around, tears welling in his eyes. He stared Sasuke down for a moment, gritting his teeth harshly, then grabbed his brother's wrist pulling him down to their hideout, the one place where no one would ever find them.

Sasuke would have complained about Itachi going to fast, would have screamed and yelled and stomped about, but he was trying not to cry. He would have done anything for Itachi at that point. Itachi pulled him into the cave at the shore, the tiny, secluded cave that no one knew about but them. It was covered by overhang; it wasn't even visible unless someone hacked through its leafy door.

Itachi pulled him through the vines, jerking him flush against his own body. Sasuke, for balance, clung to Itachi's shoulders, looking up at him with wide, confused, hurt eyes—then felt guilty, because it was Itachi that was hurt. He didn't have a right.

Everything, however, was blown from Sasuke's mind as Itachi's head swooped down, attacking his lips viciously.

Itachi's will had finally broken.

Sasuke parted his lips automatically, allowing that pink tongue he loved so much to enter, relinquishing dominance in a heartbeat. He locked his arms around Itachi's neck, trying not to cry as Itachi's hands held up, one at the small of his back, the other in his hair.

Sasuke let go of his brother's shoulders, jerking his jacket off, surprised when Itachi let him to the same for himself. Sasuke's hands roved Itachi's chest, sliding over his shoulders, pulling away to pull the raven's shirt over his head. Itachi's hands did the same for Sasuke and for a minute they just stood there and kissed, not caring as their shirts were washed away with the water. They moved further back in the cave, to the dry sand.

Sasuke literally jumped, using Itachi's shoulders, on Itachi, and Itachi's strong hands gripped his thighs as Sasuke wrapped his legs around his waist. Sasuke was almost _squishing _Itachi's face, holding on too tight, but Itachi couldn't complain, he loved Sasuke too much.

Itachi lowered himself to his knees, laying the panting Uchiha on the sand, shedding himself of the rest of his clothes. Sasuke watched, fixated, as Itachi slowly undid the button on his jeans, pulling them down, past Sasuke's feet. For a minute, Itachi just sat there on his knees, admiring Sasuke's body, from the heaving chest, the flushed face, to the flushed length bobbing in between Sasuke's taut thighs.

"I love you," he whispered and Sasuke could only nod. His throat had closed up. He couldn't speak. The adoration in Itachi's gaze was too much for him to handle. He was hyperventilating.

Itachi crawled up his body, knowing that Sasuke was already stretched enough from last night. Sasuke would kill him if he spent too much time stretching him. He locked lips with his brother, his lover, his soul mate, shoving a finger in roughly.

Sasuke moaned and Itachi, without his mask, realized that he loved the sound.

"I love you," he repeated.

"I love you."

"I love you."

Itachi couldn't take it anymore; his heart was about to burst. He had to be connected with Sasuke _now_.

He removed the two finger's he'd managed to work into Sasuke's still tight body and positioned himself instead. Sasuke panted harshly, his eyes half closed in pleasure, his eyebrows pushed together.

"Ooh, Itachi," he moaned loudly. "Please, now!" Itachi couldn't agree more, pushing in agonizingly slow. When the head was fully sheathed, Sasuke gave him a wicked glare. "_Now_!" Itachi bit his lip, and thrusted upward until he was in all the way, sheathed to the base.

"Ah," Itachi groaned. Sasuke's expression was that of pure pleasure and with that as inspiration, the oldest Uchiha pulled out, and thrusted again.

"I love you!" he screamed, and Sasuke's eyes flew open, throwing his arms around his brother's neck, the tears he'd been holding back since the day before finally coming out. Itachi thrusted again.

"I love you, too," he sobbed, and gasped, because yes, Itachi was just _that _good. "Ooh, more than you'll ever know…"

Itachi took up a pace Sasuke couldn't never match—it was why he was the uke. With every thrust, Sasuke could practically _feel _their souls molding together.

"You are everything," Sasuke whispered in Itachi's ear just before the final thrust for both of them. Itachi kissed the shell of Sasuke's ear and pulled out, then rammed back in, savoring Sasuke's scream of completion, coming, the pearly liquid staining both his and Itachi's chests. Itachi groaned, releasing deep into Sasuke's tight heat.

"You," Itachi wheezed, "_You _are everything. The sun. The trees. The voice inside my head."

Sasuke laid his head on his beloved brother's chest, where he wouldn't move, preferably for the rest of his life.

**So? I wrote this for XxSasuxX (the Taylor I mentioned earlier), who deserves a fic after all I've put her through. I've glomped her, I've hugged her, I've made everyone we know think we're lesbians even though we're rather clearly NOT… (it's not our fault we have very few intelligent acquaintances)… she's my best friend. One of the top two people I love more than anything else. **

**So, if anyone is interested, I have an Akatsuki fic I wrote for her birthday, which is actually Sasuke's, too—July 23. We looked it up in the fan book after we decided that she's Sasuke and what do you know? It's the same!:D Well, that fic is called "No Such Thing As Too Much Fun" if anyone wants to look it up. It's porn, straight through, with all the hot Akatsuki members. Orgy! **

**I love you Tay-chan! I hope you like this!**

**Kandakicksass is OUT, ya'll!**


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